a heart, longing for more of it's Lover.

Archive for the month “January, 2014”

The man who disowned me…

is in the hospital. I am not sure how to even feel about this. He is in ICU. The doctors say he will not ever leave. He can’t survive without an oxygen machine. Apparently he has been having strokes and no one knew…and he has begun over dosing on his meds — not realizing he had already taken his medication dosage for the day because he was so disoriented…and my brother found him passed out from a major stroke on the couch last Sunday. 

My father disowned me when I was a child and has abused me mentally and emotionally deeply for years. He abused my mother for years in every sense of the word. 

I don’t hurt at all because he is in the hospital…I haven’t cried tears over him being in critical condition. But I am concerned for his eternity…as I have never seen fruit that has shown he is a child of God. He has said he belongs to Christ at one time in his life but he has never lived like it — and the Bible is clear that if we are true followers that our lives WILL bear fruit. 

If this is true…(and we know the Bible is the infallible Word of God) then my father is not saved. So, I am concerned for the security of his eternity in spite of the way he has hurt so many over his lifetime. I have spent this week burdened about that. I don’t advertise or push my blog…and I don’t blog often. But if you see this…I covet your prayers for his salvation, and for my family. 


I should be working but…

I’m in a nostalgic, hard-to-put-into-words kind of mood. I also think the music playing over the speakers in the coffee shop right now is causing me to slip into a blogging, introvert, reflective state of mind. My mouth yearns to speak no words but my heart is full of many thoughts and desires. Parts of me are hurting. Some confused. Some numb…unsure how to feel. Other parts of my heart are thankful. Others still, quiet, content. I seem to feel a conglomeration of feelings…all conflicting with one another, yet all somehow seemingly in harmony. 

Please do not ask me to explain, for I do not know myself how to explain, I only know that I am feeling all of these things and I need to allow them out in some way…and they just managed to find their ways out through the tips of my fingers. 

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