a heart, longing for more of it's Lover.

Archive for the month “February, 2013”

Sometimes God lets us feel His heart for a moment…

I don’t know how else to explain what happened to me yesterday morning at church (2-24-13). I am on the worship team at my church and have been on this journey of seeking God about the severity and seriousness of consecration. Consecration (or sanctification) is not something that ended when Christ died on the Cross and brought the New Covenant into play. If it had, that would mean that something in God’s character had changed. We know that He NEVER changes…He is the same yesterday today and forever…so consecration is just as crucial now as it was before the Lamb of God fulfilled His purpose on the Cross.

So — that’s where I have been. I have been asking the Lord to teach me how to live a consecrated life unto Him. It hasn’t been an easy journey, but it’s been fulfilling thus far as I have been learning from the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.

Yesterday, I was on the platform for the second time that morning, singing with the others in the praise team after the Lord had delivered a powerful word about true worship through our music leader. As we sang the words “You are holy, oh so holy, You are holy, Lord of all,” I asked the Lord to let me see Him in His glory. I wanted to know Him deeper. I wanted to be overcome by His Presence.

In a moment, I was on my knees. I do not know how to express in words what happened inside of me, except that I was overwhelmed with the holiness of our Sovereign God. I saw Him as the One who sits on His throne and the train of His robe filling the temple, with the angelic beings around Him crying out “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God of Hosts.” Praises flowed from my lips in awe of Who He is. At some point, I moved down to the altar and found myself looking up at the cross that adorns the wall behind the worship team. While I was praying there, I literally began to weep uncontrollably. I was overcome by the grief that is in God’s heart for how we (His children) defile ourselves. We allow so much sin into our lives without even fighting it. And not even just sins, but we tolerate things that we have become desensitized to (like dirty movies or television shows) to flow into us every single day for hours at a time. Then, when it’s time to go to church, we go to the Lord and plead His blood over us – asking for His forgiveness…rushing into the Holy of Holies to talk to God for awhile, and then go back home to willfully sin and tolerate more and more of things that break His heart. More than that – things that defile the holy state that we are to strive to live in!

Friend – this cannot be! The lifestyle of a Christian is to be 100% for Jesus Christ. It is all or nothing. ALL. Every single last moment of our lives should be weighed to be sure that it reflects the glory and majesty of a Holy and Just God.

Let me encourage you. Ask God what you are allowing in your life, what things you might be tolerating without even being aware. Then ask Him to help you strip it away. You will be able to run that much faster after the Lord. The sacrifice may be great — but if you are measuring the sacrifice, you have not yet seen His worth. There is no sacrifice too great.

Love and blessings.



My struggle with loneliness has been something God has been helping me to overcome over the past couple of years as I have been learning about the fullness of the Holy Spirit. Tonight though, I was overcome with the familiar yearnings that come with the pangs of loneliness once again. I pulled up and did a search on loneliness in the blog portion of John Piper’s site. Tears began to stream down my cheeks as God redirected my gaze from my plight to His face. Below, I am going to share the notes I jotted down from this blog post.

Jesus Christ knew loneliness much earlier in His life than the night He spent in Gethsemane. All was not harmonious in His life, especially in His home. He had sinful parents and sinful siblings. Self-consciousness had to have arisen with Jesus’ brothers and sisters as they realized His perfection. He was the target of much criticism among his peers as well.

NO ONE ON EARTH COULD IDENTIFY WITH CHRIST. Not one person could tell Jesus that they knew what He was going through. How many times have I asked God why I was so different? How many times have I longed to be “normal?” Oh how thankful I am to know that Jesus knows. He KNOWS.

Jesus reached the climax of loneliness when He became sin for us on the cross and His Father (God) turned away from Him. Jesus went from estrangement for being sinless to estrangement for being sin. Jesus knew supreme rejection and loneliness.

He can sympathize with you and me. (Hebrews 4:15)

Jesus does not just understand our loneliness! He is DEMOLISHING it! Because He was alienated from God and man, we will enjoy the full family fellowship of God and all redeemed saints forever!

Take heart, dear one. He has already known your loneliness and mine. Now? He sits with His Father, praying for you and I. Who better to pray for us than the One who knows our pain better than we do ourselves?

I know it has been awhile — but I’m still alive :)

So much in my heart and spirit to share with you. First, a personal update.

I have been wanting to sit and blog for awhile, but with working a full time job for my friend’s parent’s business, my photography business, my church, and family issues, I have barely had time to sleep…much less blog. 🙂 The job has finished for the season, so things have drastically slowed down.

God is blessing my photography business. All glory to Him for the sessions scheduled in my planner! Oh how grateful I am for a God who loves and cares for us down to the smallest details in our lives which are as a vapor.

My church family is beyond a blessing and gift from God. The encouragement, growing, learning, laughter, tears, conviction, fellowship, strength, and power that God brings me through the Body of Christ that He has planted me in is changing and challenging me to run harder and faster after Him.

As far as the family, the last three weeks have been tough. My aunt, who is not a follower of Christ, had surgery difficulties. She had a surgery of the stomach and esophagus. She went home, and was feeling pain. When she finally went back in, they found that the tissue wrapped around her stomach had died, and stomach acids were leaking out. Organs were damaged and failing. She had also developed a disease of the blood. My uncle called my mother and the next night she was on a flight to VA. That was almost three weeks ago. The fatigue and disappointment in my mother’s voice is unmistakable over the phone. My aunt began to get better…numbers get better…organs begin healing…and my aunt relapsed. Back in ICU again. Flat-lining without the respirator. She is slowly beginning to respond again, but has no hope. She’s not fighting. Mom says she isn’t herself. Prayers are so very coveted — more than anything, for her salvation…her eternity.

So there’s my update. The good, bad, and ugly – as they say. But glory to God, there is peace in spite of it all. He is that amazing. Joy unspeakable is mine, because my God is in whom my joy rests, and He never changes. Hallelujah.

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